Telefon off

hai ca s-a terminat cu smecheria. ma tot tin sa scriu un articol despre barfa, ca n-am abordat niciodata subiectul asta la modul serios si mi-am pus termen pana maine, deci am ce face si in noaptea asta. nu mi-a dat Did ideea, ca lucra subiectul in capul meu inca de cand imi caram rucsacul prin spinare si altii isi rodeau unghiile de nerabdare infierbantand sms-urile, mai ceva ca un hotline, despre cum am tiranizat eu niste pelerini ca au pus botul la vrajeala taranilor spanioli. S-a dovedit pana la urma ca habar n-aveau (tarani si pelerini) pe ce planeta traiesc, darmite cati km sunt pana in satul urmator. imi vine sa arunc rucsacul asta sa nu-l mai vad niciodata.

pe urma ma apucasem sa traduc ultimul articol despre camino, dar mi s-a luat. oricum ce-am avut eu de priceput din toata povestea asta am priceput pe cont propriu. ca mai toate lucrurile. acum n-aveti decat sa astepti trei luni sa ma documentez si alte sase sa scriu urmatorul roman. sau sa ma indragostesc de cineva care nu da doi bani pe mobilul meu. altfel, la urmatorul tirg de carte sunt doar un simplu vizitator. probabil…

inca n-am ajuns sa-i pricep pe barbati, drept pentru care dau vina pe mobil, aceasta masinarie moderna de care trebuie sa fii atasat minut cu minut sa fii gasit, sa stie toata lumea pe unde esti, ce faci, de ce te plimbi, hai nu ma innebuni, ca de rezolvat prea multe nu rezolvi cu el. si asta e o idee mai veche de un an: sa-l ia dracu de telefon! ca oricum il uit pe unde se nimereste. incep sa inteleg de ce intr-o vreme Andries, unul dintre cei patru corifei, nu avea mobil si toata lumea se minuna, vai, cum, domnule, nu are Andries mobil? pai daca ar fi fost intrerupt la fiecare compozitie de maica-sa sa-l intrebe daca-i e foame, mai ascultati voi acum nada.

45 de zile fara, sunam numai pe cine aveam eu chef si cand aveam chef. iar aceasta minunata treaba cu “cheful” numai eu si poate Zan o mai pricepe. doamne fereste sa-i spui unuia ca n-ai chef de el, asa mare jignire i-ai adus. oricum mi se pare mult mai cinstit decat sa inventezi pretexte si scuze si mai stiu eu ce ca nu esti de gasit sau de ce te plimbi. da, bine, parca eu mai pot sa stau in casa dupa ce m-am obisnuit sa ma ridic din pat si sa plec. sau de parca ar fi treaba cuiva de ce ma plimb ca sa nu stau intre patru pereti. asa ca n-o sa ma mai imprietenesc de-acum decat cu cei care n-au chef de mine si sunt in stare sa-mi zica asta. eu de ce nu ma supar??

discutie:
- vii la o cafea?
- n-am chef, ma!
simplu, nu?
pe naiba!
- cum adica n-ai chef?
- am sa-ti dau bani, ceva?
- nu!
- atunci n-am chef!
- dar ce faci?
- ce stiu eu?

acum din doua una: ori esti deprimat, ori ala te plictiseste. nici nu se pune problema ca n-ai avea timp, sau ca lucrezi la ceva. scrisul nu e o treaba serioasa, ce naiba! uneori de-aia ma plimb si sunt in locuri diferite ca sa fiu sigura ca nu se supara nimeni cand n-am eu chef. dupa mintea unora care vad in calatorii doar spart de bani, asta inseamna ca sunt neaparat si foarte bogata. parul meu se usuca si la soare, si cu prosopul, tot e mai sanatos decat al multora.

si mai simplu: de maine n-am nici telefon. ne vom intalni din intamplare. asa e cel mai frumos. si cred ca de-asta m-am si indragostit ultima oara. m-a lovit intamplarea peste fata. ei, de-acum tot intamplarea sa ne aduca in fata si sa ne faca sa ne privim in ochi.

mai simplu decat simplu: de ieri am renuntat si la mess. se poate trai si fara. daca va vine sa credeti m-am despartit pe mess de cateva ori si nici acum nu stiu de ce. treaba asta cu virtualul pentru unii e de-a dreptul serioasa. mai ramane sa primesc un sms cu “vrei sa fii nevasta mea?” au contraire, nu primesc nici unul in care sa mi se spuna: “hei, vezi ca ti-au intrat banii in cont LA TIMP, si pentru ca ai fost cuminte ai si un bonus de fidelitate. sau loialitate.” in fine, copiii se pot face prin sms? ca sa stiu daca ii cresc cu messu.

in loc sa-mi concentrez atentia si eforturile catre calatorit si vazut orasele visate, stau sa dau intruna explicatii ca de ce nu sunt unde trebuie sa fiu. dar unde trebuie sa fiu? mi-a luat un an s-o dresez pe maica-mea si inca mai face gafe. daca ii zic nu-i suna pe aia ca nu mai am nici o treaba cu ei, bineinteles ca ea exact pe aia ii suna sa vada de ce nu mai am nici o treaba cu ei. sau daca ii zic vezi ca sunt prin munti si s-ar putea sa n-am semnal, suna pana ma nimereste pe un varf de munte unde sunt si ursi si semnal. ca de draci sunt in stare mai apoi sa infrunt ursii. pai inca trei de-astia in viata ta si te alegi cu atacuri de panica la fiecare tarait de telefon. ia ca m-am saturat.

de ce nu se mai pot privi oamenii in ochi si sa citeasca de-acolo tot ce trebuie? pentru ca exista sms-uri si messengeruri unde-si pot arunca vorbe pe care in mod normal nu au curajul sa le spuna? nu, mersi. bine ca avem maimutoi care sa ne pupe in ferestrele deschise. m-a mintit vreodata un zambet real? i s-au umezit cuiva ochii la comanda in fata mea? whatever, cred ca m-am uitat prea mult in adolescenta la filme de dragoste. sau poate sunt too old fashion.

filmul asta nu l-am vazut. probabil insa ca dupa vreo trei episoade m-ar plictisi ingrozitor.

Let`s end with playing games. I am working to write an article about gossips, something I wanted to write about it, but I never approached this subject seriously, so… I have things to do tonight. The idea to work on this topic troubled me since I was carrying my rucsack on my back and others were gnowing their nails anxiously, sending some sms-s home or whatever, more like a hotline, how angry I was or upset or something very wrong was with me that day when pilgrims have questioned Spanish peasants about the place or the world where they`re living. In the end, it was proved that they had no idea (peasants and pilgrims) on what planet they live, no talking about how many kms are up to the next village. Sometime, I just want to throw away my rucsack and no longer see it again.

I have started two days ago to translate my last article on the camino, but I was gave up. Anyway, what I had to understand throughout this story I already understood on my own. Like all the things happened to me in past. Now you just have to wait three months or more to finish my searchings, readings, travelings and six other more months or perhaps years to write the next novel. Or to fall in love and love someone who don`t pay attention on my phone. Moreover, to the following bookfest I am just a simple visitor.

I still not understand men, I think it`s my mobile fault, this modern machinery which you should be attached every minute on your life to be found, and let everybody know where you are, what are you doing, why are you spinning around, otherwise I resolve nothing carrying with me. Another sound in hell. and this idea is older than one year: to hell with it! Anyway very often I lost it in some strange places, or friends’ cars, or whatever. I begin to understand why Andries, one of the four corifei had not carried mobile and everybody was wondering, wow, how, sir, Andries has no mobile? Well, if he was interrupted every composition by his mother asking him if he was hungry, we will hear none of his songs.

45 days without, and I only had called whom I have wanted when I have wished. and this wonderful thing with “wish” or „mood” only with Zan I can do. Or Pici. It`s related with some kind of relaxation. God help you to tell someone you are not in the mood to see him/ her. You already have brought himr/ her a huge offence. however it seems to me far more honest to say you are not in the mood than invent pretexts and excuses and I don`t know what other things just not to explain yourself why are you spending some time on your own. Yeah, well, like I could stay home, kept between four walls after I had used to get up and go. Or, like it`s someone else`s job why am I walking instead sitting. so from now on I will be friend with those people who were not in the mood for me and are able to tell me that. I won`t be upset.

Discussion:
“would you drink a coffee with me?”
“I am not in the mood.”
Simple, right?
To hell!
“what do you mean you are not in the mood?”
“Well, do I have to give you some money, or something else?”
“No!”
“Then, I am not in the mood.”
“But, what are you doing now?”
“Nothing special.”

now one of two: either you are depressed, or the other one is very boring person and you already know that. Of course, it`s not the question that you have no time or working at something. Writing is not a serious job, come on. sometimes I walk-off and I am in different places just to be sure nobody is upset when I did what I`m feelling. after some minds who were seeing in travels just a way to spend some money, this means I am necessarily very rich. Well, of course I am, I have so much potential, hehehe… my hair could dry on sunshine, or with the towel, and even so is more healthy than the others. So, what`s the problem?

Let`s make things more easier: from now one no telephone. we meet in random. Much better this way. and I think this was the main reason I felt in love last time. Some strange happening had stroke me in the face. Well, from now one let fate bring us together and make us look in each other`s eyes.

Let`s make things simpler than simple: I quit yesterday on mess too. Can live without so well. if you only knew how many times I broke-up with someone on mess-discussions and I don`t know why. For some people, this virtual thing became more and more serious. Remains to receive a sms with “want to be my wife?” contrary have not received any in which someone say: “Hey, see that I have sent you the money in your account IN TIME, and because you were good and so understanding person you have a loyalty bonus”. or fidelity. Otherwise, you have nerves to ask me what I’m doing. could children be made through sms? I`d like to know if I will increase them by mess.

instead to focus my attention and energy to travel and see the towns I dreamt, I always have to give explanations why I am not where I should be. So, where I should be? It took me a year to trane my mother and she still makes mistakes. If I say her „dont call these people because I have nothing to do with them from now one”, of course, she will call precisely those people just to see why I have anything to do with them. or if I tell her „I am in the mountains, sorry, no signal” she will call until I`ll find a peak where there are bears and signal. another three of these in your life and you`ll have panic attacks everytime your phone is ringing. I had enough.

why can not people look in the eyes and read from there everything they need to find or feel? because there sms-mess where they can throw words that normally do not have the courage to say? No, thanks. as well like monkeys which could kiss us in open windows. Have a real smile ever lied to me? or someone`s eyes gentled at my orders?

whatever, I think I watched too much Hallmark. or perhaps I am too old fashion.